HOS- also known as “Homework Overload Syndrome,” has taken America’s youth by storm. Millions of teenagers all over the country are suffering from this now common disease. Said one former sufferer of HOS, “It was, like, my brain just shorted out! I couldn’t think!” She later went on to explain her near-death-by-calculus experience. However, the details are too gruesome to print.

It seems that HOS first sets in at the tenth grade level, as freshmen complete the year in a haze of disbelief. Symptoms are: “forgetting” books at school, the sudden belief that sleep is just a figment of one’s imagination, and running naked down Mass. Ave screaming, “Long live the chloroplasts!” Many sufferers of HOS have testified that, while they seemed to have time for one or two assignments, they were so overwhelmed by the three that they couldn’t complete that they didn’t do any! One high school senior, [name withheld], sums it up by saying, “F*** it!”

What can we do to relieve HOS in America’s youth? Make assignments shorter? Reduce book size? Slow down the rotation of the earth? As tempting as these solutions are, the real solution is to go to the source of the problem, teachers. Teachers give assignments and give the tests on those assignments. America’s teachers need to communicate. By communicating, these teachers could discover that they are not alone, and they do not need to assign three hours of homework per night each. More is not better, because homework load and homework completion have an inverse relationship. Less homework equals a higher completion rate, and a reduction of HOS. Save America’s youth! Prevent HOS!